the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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