My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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