Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
