When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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