Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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