totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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