Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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