I'm really into asian looking animals
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
