There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
