If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
