Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
