TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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