if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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