anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
