You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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