When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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