I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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