I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
