OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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