I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
