Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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