ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
