is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
