Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
i think i just lost a toe
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
