I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize