her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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