dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
