i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize