So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Send help, water and tortillas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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