: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
