I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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