Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
