I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
