Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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