I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
