my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
