I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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