i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
