yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
