i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
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my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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