my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She bit a glass in half.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
