apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
