I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
