Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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