We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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