i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
