rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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