i was born a porn star she said
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
