Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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