Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
