there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
