If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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