So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
