as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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