I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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