They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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