just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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