he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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