if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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