xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
