Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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