I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize