Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
