Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
